A Love Story
How to Make Him Settle Down
Let me start by stating that there is no such thing as a “how to guide” as it relates to finding your significant other. Too many variables must be taken into consideration in order for a cookie-cutter approach to be implemented. However, being a man who once had no desire to settle down, to now being happily involved in a monogamous relationship, I can tell you first hand that hope is alive!
From Playboy to Boyfriend
My journey from playboy to boyfriend started off similar to that of a roller coaster ride with no safety harness. Prior to connecting with my lady, I had spent the past 7 years of my life seeking nightclubs, women, alcohol, and sex as a primary source of entertainment. Although fun at the time, the after effects including (but not limited to) hangovers, pregnancy scares, job issues, and legal ramifications were not as delightful. What’s interesting is that I actually met several women that most would consider to be “wifey material.” However, my intentions toward them hindered my ability to view them in any other way than sexual objects. It wasn’t until I made the decision to live my life differently, that I was able to value women in a way that every man should.
Wake Up Call
We’ve all had encounters that cause us to examine our current situation and make changes… we call these “wake up calls.” Mine came in 2013 when one day I looked up and realized that the last 7 years of my life had been dedicated to having a good time. That’s’ it! Fun was the goal and I was an overachiever. The only problem was that I was approaching 30 and had nothing to show for it. I’d managed to keep a good corporate job and support myself, but my life had become the epitome of stagnancy. I had put more effort into building my rolodex with women, party promoters, and bartenders, than planning for the future, building my legacy, and discovering my true purpose. I knew it was time to change a few things.
Becoming the Real Me
I was more interested in becoming the REAL me, and anything that didn’t contribute to the cause was considered a setback, and consequently eliminated from my life. The first thing to go was alcohol. I realized that if I was going to be serious, I needed to have a clear head… at all times. Next on the undo list was sex, and the lustful desire for women. I no longer wanted to be driven/motivated by sex. I was a puppet for that thing! So I decided to commit to a lifestyle of purity, which includes celibacy until marriage (this requires A LOT of prayer). I began to change my surroundings. I stopped hanging out in environments where I knew I’d be tempted, and limited my interactions with prior acquaintances (no love lost, just a new journey). I became involved with the Men’s Ministry at my church (One Church International in Los Angeles), where I developed “accountability partnerships” with other brothers looking to get the most out of life. I began attending charity events, the first of which is where I met a beautiful, strong, God fearing, amazing woman who would later become my girlfriend.
Timing is Everything
Ironically, Christina (my lady) was no stranger to the party scene, with her career and passion being in entertainment. But she too had committed to a lifestyle of purity, given up alcohol (and adult cigarettes), and was committed to surrounding herself with people who would encourage her purpose and not distract her from it. Needless to say, we had a lot in common. But had I met this woman before I was ready, I would have destroyed any chance of getting to know her and experiencing one of the best feelings I’ve ever felt in my life (yeah I’m in love… so what?). A paradigm shift was needed in order for me to even CONSIDER a relationship. And my transformation process is what enabled that shift to happen. Timing is everything people!
This is why I encourage all single women to:
- Be patient regarding relationships.There’s nothing that a woman can do to get a man to settle down, as he must make this decision for himself (and you don’t want to rush this process).
- Take advantage of this time and work on being the best YOU possible. But do it for yourself, not because you’re seeking validation from a man. I’ve found that it’s highly likely for a single woman to alter her lifestyle (oftentimes lessening herself) in order to fit into a man’s “wife-box.” This should NEVER be the case. Women are powerful, beautiful beings and men need you! Walk in your confidence, live your life, and only consider men that will compliment your lifestyle.
- Evaluate your surroundings and make the necessary adjustments. Be honest during this process and remove ANYTHING that will hinder your progress from being the best you. When you get to the point where the only thing you want is what’s best for yourself, you will find value in doing things differently.
- Be approachable. Once you’ve made the necessary transformation into becoming the real you; you will find yourself on a different path, a more fulfilling path. Subsequently, you will encounter other individuals operating in purpose with whom you will undoubtedly share common interest. Now the only thing left to do is allow the natural progression to take place when you meet the man that is purposed for you.
When Christina and I merged onto the same path (“crossing paths” would indicate that we were traveling in different directions), neither of us were “looking” per se. But there was an undeniable chemistry and attraction between us that we couldn’t ignore. What’s greater is the foundation that had been established within each of us prior to our encounter. Agreeing to pursue a monogamous relationship was the easy part… that was our natural progression. The personal development and transformation process is what takes the most time. But it’s worth it! And as I stated before… Timing is everything!